my next project?
Niddah for me is a very triggering subject, to the point that I don't practice it at all. Not so much the dipping in the Miqweh aspect, nor the sexual separation, but some of the associated practices:
- abstinence from all forms of physical affection, not just explicitly sexual ones, coupled with the very strong expectation that one must have sex on miqweh night. Aside from the coercive element, this all or none approach is out of touch with many if not most women's sexual rhythms, for whom sexual desire is a culmination of ongoing touch and affection.
- the 7 clean days, which adds at least 4 days to the waiting period, and creates more pressure for women to go to the miqweh as well as engage in intercourse exactly at the specified period.
-the internal vaginal exams that women are supposed to perform during those seven days
-showing stains to Rabbis. the introduction of female "yoatzot" only partly ameliorates this because who wants to really show stains to anyone. even if its a female, it still indicates surrenduring ones bodily autonomy to the religious establishment
-strict requirements when women may use the miqweh which burden many women's schedules
-"kallah lessons" usually by professional kallah teachers, many who undergo special certification, where all this info is dumped secretly and suddenly on women who were previously unaware. kallah lessons are the flip side of the absence of social discourse on the topic.
I've seen many apologetics about miqveh use, often from organizations like chabad, that totally skip out on these aspects of Niddah observance. They focus on the dip itself, which really can be a beautiful experience. some focus on the sexual reuniting after a period of abstinence, which I am told does work for a fair amount of couples. However, they share the culture of secrecy regarding the other aspects, waiting to dump it on unsuspecting brides.
My four posts that I have written about Niddah so far, all deal in some form of women making the rules for themselves. One is historical, dating to the 15th century. Another is more recent, dealing with Morroccan immigrants in Israel in the 1950s. one refers to the angst of women who experience a sense of violation from these rules. Secrecy and taboo play a big role in all these issues. Last but not least, I critique a rather new phenomenon (or so it seemms to me) of single women using the miqweh. Ironically critique it on the basis of traditionalism, for its excessive focus on the technical rules.
My critique leads me to wonder, if in our generation, the halachist, rule based, establishmentarian approach to Niddah is the only one that exists. By contrast, Sabbath observance is characterized by a wide level of observance among self-identifying traditional Jews, with people choosing the rules that best suit them. Sabbath observance is learned from one generation to the next by observation and participation, and less so from books or from Rabbis. Does this dynamic exist among Niddah? Do mothers have any role anymore in conveying this mitzva to their daughters? Do women choose which rules best suit them anymore?
If these women do exist, what is there relationship with Niddah? Do they feel freer, or coerced into dipping altogether? Do they feel more empowered and less violated? Is the practice meaningful to them and why?
Last but not least, how would I go about finding this out? The options are many: Questionnaires, Interviews (particularly women of different edot and different generations would be interesting). Perhaps holding a focus group would be enlightening as well.
But where do I find these women? I am not part of an academic institution.
- abstinence from all forms of physical affection, not just explicitly sexual ones, coupled with the very strong expectation that one must have sex on miqweh night. Aside from the coercive element, this all or none approach is out of touch with many if not most women's sexual rhythms, for whom sexual desire is a culmination of ongoing touch and affection.
- the 7 clean days, which adds at least 4 days to the waiting period, and creates more pressure for women to go to the miqweh as well as engage in intercourse exactly at the specified period.
-the internal vaginal exams that women are supposed to perform during those seven days
-showing stains to Rabbis. the introduction of female "yoatzot" only partly ameliorates this because who wants to really show stains to anyone. even if its a female, it still indicates surrenduring ones bodily autonomy to the religious establishment
-strict requirements when women may use the miqweh which burden many women's schedules
-"kallah lessons" usually by professional kallah teachers, many who undergo special certification, where all this info is dumped secretly and suddenly on women who were previously unaware. kallah lessons are the flip side of the absence of social discourse on the topic.
I've seen many apologetics about miqveh use, often from organizations like chabad, that totally skip out on these aspects of Niddah observance. They focus on the dip itself, which really can be a beautiful experience. some focus on the sexual reuniting after a period of abstinence, which I am told does work for a fair amount of couples. However, they share the culture of secrecy regarding the other aspects, waiting to dump it on unsuspecting brides.
My four posts that I have written about Niddah so far, all deal in some form of women making the rules for themselves. One is historical, dating to the 15th century. Another is more recent, dealing with Morroccan immigrants in Israel in the 1950s. one refers to the angst of women who experience a sense of violation from these rules. Secrecy and taboo play a big role in all these issues. Last but not least, I critique a rather new phenomenon (or so it seemms to me) of single women using the miqweh. Ironically critique it on the basis of traditionalism, for its excessive focus on the technical rules.
My critique leads me to wonder, if in our generation, the halachist, rule based, establishmentarian approach to Niddah is the only one that exists. By contrast, Sabbath observance is characterized by a wide level of observance among self-identifying traditional Jews, with people choosing the rules that best suit them. Sabbath observance is learned from one generation to the next by observation and participation, and less so from books or from Rabbis. Does this dynamic exist among Niddah? Do mothers have any role anymore in conveying this mitzva to their daughters? Do women choose which rules best suit them anymore?
If these women do exist, what is there relationship with Niddah? Do they feel freer, or coerced into dipping altogether? Do they feel more empowered and less violated? Is the practice meaningful to them and why?
Last but not least, how would I go about finding this out? The options are many: Questionnaires, Interviews (particularly women of different edot and different generations would be interesting). Perhaps holding a focus group would be enlightening as well.
But where do I find these women? I am not part of an academic institution.
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