Traditional Sephardi Feminist

Because Transgenderism is such a hot topic; I've decided to share my experience with gender dysphoria. I experienced Gender dysphoria approximately from the age of  7 or 8. I intensely wished I could be a boy. Prayed day and night that my breasts would disappear; even though i knew they wouldn't. And that I would never get a period. I did; around my 11th birthday. My whole life long it has been obvious that boys got a better deal. And adopting boyish behaviors didn't get me boy privileges. Like the boys got to use the clubhouse even though I had discovered it. I talked to the other girls, tried to spur them on to fight for our territory, but they just shrugged. I just wondered why no one else seemed to notice or maybe it was me who was crazy. My gender dysphoria dissipated more or less at age 14 upon assuming a heterosexual identity, and my body hatred morphed in to an eating disorder. Imagine I could hate my body AND become more sexually attractive to men all a

Some years back, a woman named Hagit created an  art exhibit  featuring Bedika cloths. I actually met this woman last year although it was in a completely different context having nothing to do with niddah or art- or sephardim for that matter. I believe Hagit happens to be a Traditional Sephardi (not sure which edah specifically) although like me she seems to have been raised in an Ashkenazi environment. Hagit's simultaneous rebellious-in-attitude- but-obedient-in-practice is similar to what I see amongst many Orthodox Ashkenazi women: Resentment, but sucking it up. Many women try to infuse the experience with spiritual meaning, and use it as a medium for some sort of communion between them and god, but that takes great effort for them. To explain via contrast; few people talk about how they have to overcome their difficulty going to synagogue or lighting shabat candles by trying to view it as a moment of communion with god. Perhaps even a better comparison is Pesah cleaning

I'm a Sephardi woman raised Ashkenazi (modern Orthodox to be specific). The older I get; the closer I draw to my roots- and the more distant. When people talk about feminism, or Jewish feminists, they don't conjure of images of Sephardi women. Just try googling Sephardi feminism and you'll see it- nearly a blank page. Because Sephardim are supposed to be traditional, and feminism is untraditional. On this blog, I try to figure out if I can be both. לעילוי נשמת שולטנה בת שרה. תהא נפשה צרורה בצרור החיים.